if i was in a fictional universe i wouldn’t be the main character i’d probably be that friend of the main character who lacks supernatural powers or special abilities but makes up for it with sarcasm and really lame one-liners
THIS IS MY FAVORITE.
Albus Severus Potter starts Herbology at Hogwarts
"Hey Professor Longbottom; My father says I was named after the bravest man he ever knew, did you know-"
"Well, It’s nice to meet you, Neville Potter"
"It’s Neville. Your name is Neville"
filed under: things that should actually have happened
the kid from the nanny mcphee movie is no longer a kid
i see no difference
I’ve never seen a grown man look so disturbingly like a small child.
I expect nothing less.
THE SNITCH ONE OH MY GOD
I will say no if you don’t propose with the snitch or the harAhmahgahdjellyjiggleboy
i always had my head wrapped around the idea of getting into a wonderful university and getting a good job and getting married and having a family and being able to support them but for some reason now all i want to do is travel and eat new foods and meet new people and get a tan and buy a one way ticket and not come home
INTERN MAUREEN SONG
Don’t let me near a microphone ever
For my love of intern Maureen, I wrote and recorded this song/rap/me spitting into a microphone thing. This is also to my friend, http://typehere452.tumblr.com, who I promised a Maureen poem a LONG time ago. So, I hope this is still ok!
Listen here, Palmer, you don’t think I don’t get it
Sending us interns off to die while you drink coffee and sit
I’ve been here 5 months, give or take a few weeks
And I have the good intention of holding onto this streak
The interns before me, their mindset I don’t intend
Accepting their fate of an eventual end
I don’t care if I’m sent to some impossible chore
I’ll do everything in my power to come back through this door
I won’t be taken by the subway or become one with the trees
I won’t flash out in a light or be in scorpons up to my knees
You’ve done this for too long, using people for your advantage
I can handle the interlopers, but the intern death I won’t manage
I’ll show you, all of you, I can successfully survive
Whatever happens to this town, I’ll make it out of it alive
I’ll prove to my parents and you and the interns who have died
I’m really worth something and I really have tried
To not become a statistic of this fatal career
And to bring some recognition to my deceased peers
I’ve handled your oranges and the City Council’s restrictions
I’ve even edited the mess that is your slash fiction
I’ve survived the Strex takeover, I’ve survived my college dues
And listen to me, Gershwin, I can sure as hell survive you
when people start getting close to your friends
“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”
"he likes girls too much to be gay"
wait hold on i have an idea
what if, no, hear me out, what if